Momspirational Life

The Moment After Surrender

There is a moment that comes after surrender. After you lay your plans down before God. After you whisper, “Not my will, but Yours.”

It is the moment when you realize He might actually take you up on it.

We often talk about surrender as if peace instantly follows, and sometimes it does. But other times, surrender is followed by hesitation, fear, and a quiet realization that this is really happening.

Stepping into a calling can feel intimidating, even when you trust God. Especially when you trust God.

Knowing the Truth, Yet Feeling Frozen

Deep down, I know the truth. I know that God provides according to His will. I know He leads according to His divine purpose, not my limited understanding. I know that when He calls, He also equips.

And yet, I still feel frozen sometimes. Not because I doubt Him, but because I know myself.

I overthink. I replay the what ifs.
What if I start in the wrong place?
What if I give my whole heart again and it only bears short-term fruit?
What if what I pour out is overlooked?

Sometimes the hesitation does not come from fear of failure, but from having already given so much.

When Giving So Much Leaves You Hesitant

There have been seasons where I poured out my time, energy, and heart to serve others. Seasons where the work mattered, but the fruit felt brief or unseen. While I do not carry bitterness from those experiences, I do carry the memory of how deeply they cost me.

One calling I once believed would last for years turned out to be short-lived. It was not because it lacked meaning, but because it slowly became marked by isolation, fatigue, and sadness. Through that season, I learned something important. Not every calling is meant to last forever.

That does not mean it was not from God. Sometimes a calling is for a season, meant to shape us, teach us, and prepare us for what comes next.

When Spiritual Drift Becomes a Warning Light

There was a moment I could not ignore. I found myself no longer drawing near to God the way I once did. That realization was not rooted in guilt, but in clarity. It was a signal, not of failure, but of misalignment.

Before I ever stepped into teaching, I had every intention of developing my writing, nurturing this blog, and even publishing books. Teaching became a tremendous blessing. It gave me purpose and meaning in a season when I needed it.

Yet, somewhere along the way, I quietly closed the door on writing. I convinced myself that this new direction must be the only place God wanted me to be.

Over time, the weight of that decision caught up with me.

When the Body and Soul Say Enough

Stress increased. Fatigue settled in. My health declined. Life layered on additional burdens, including marital stress, financial strain, and the deep worry of watching my dad battle severe illness, to which he miraculously was healed. Eventually, my body forced me to stop.

I became sick, anemic, and physically depleted in ways I still do not fully understand. Stress only magnified it all.

Spiritually, I felt it too.

I still prayed, but I was not rooted like I once was. My faith was not gone, but it felt weakened. Quiet. I was not the wife I was meant to be. I was not the Mama I was meant to be. I was not the woman of God I was meant to be.

Returning to What God Planted First

At one point, a gentle thought surfaced. What if I write again?

That idea brought encouragement, but also insecurity. I wondered if I had waited too long. If I had missed my chance. If the years that passed meant the opportunity was gone.

Yet, God met me there.

He reminded me that delay does not mean disqualification. Pausing does not mean abandoning. Resting does not mean missing your calling.

What He planted in you, He has not forgotten.

The Beautiful Tension of Obedience

I share this not to dwell on hardship, but to speak to anyone who feels hesitant stepping into something new or returning to something old. Sometimes walking in God’s will means entering a very real spiritual battle, one that takes place in our thoughts, our memories, and our fears.

The calling does not require perfection. It requires obedience, and obedience does not always feel bold. Sometimes it feels fragile. Sometimes it looks like beginning again slowly, quietly, with trembling hands.

Stepping Forward Anyway

There is something beautifully scary about being used by God.

Beautiful because you know it is Him. Scary because it costs comfort, control, and the illusion of safety.

However, vulnerability is often the place where God does His deepest work, not just in others, but in us. What feels risky to release, God uses to refine. What feels delayed, He redeems.

So, if you are standing at the edge of a calling, new or long-forgotten, feeling unsure whether it is too late, too risky, or too costly, take heart.

Feeling frozen does not mean you have failed. It may mean you are listening more closely now.

Perhaps, maybe the courage you are waiting for does not come before the step. Maybe it comes with it.

Love,
Tabitha